Freaking Out

My sister Rita accused me of not being appropriately freaked out for my wedding a week from today.  Well, I've been sitting at the airport gate for the last hour watching wedding videos of people I've never met and crying about them- does that count?

I just keep thinking about how incredibly lucky I am to get to marry my best friend.  When I was a kid I heard people say they married their best friend and I remember thinking, "Holy crap!  So many people got to do that, it's so cool!"  Then I realized that they meant that their husband was their best friend, but not necessarily that they had grown up together.  Well I think I can say that more truthfully.  I love it when people ask how we met and I get to say "we grew up together."  I always get an audible "aw, cute!"  Yeah, for reals.  We are so freaking cute.

I still can't believe how things have worked out and what a random time table things happened on.  All I can say is the Lord had VERY different plans for my life than I did.  And now that I can see them, at least a little bit, and see that they are awesome, I am learning to trust more.

It's funny when I think about last Christmas.  I was SO miserable.  I was debating going on a mission, running for National Office and getting married- and this was BEFORE Micah stopped writing me.  I tried on my sister-in-law's wedding dress and looked in the mirror.  I guess I thought if marriage was imminent for me I would look like a bride.  I just looked like a stupid little kid.  Little did I know that I was about to start my last year of single-dom.

I am on my home and I am so psyched, not only because I will be home, and because of Christmas, but because I'm also getting married!  Which makes both of those things even more great!  The two years Micah was gone on his mission were really hard for me.  But they were worth it.  I cannot find words to describe how wonderful my life is now.

And now I'm crying in the airport again.  This is really weird.

Remember how I always blog when I'm busy?

Funny stuff.

So here's an update.  10 freaking days until I get married.  Holy cow.  I'm packing and moving and studying and taking finals (or, I'm supposed to be doing that...) and I'm just really, really excited.  You would be too.  Have you seen my fiance?

Yowzer!  And that was taken two years ago!

So...yeah.  I'm not too into giveaways usually, but check this out.  Rachael is pretty awesome, even though I don't know her in real life.  And these books look awesome.  And call me materialistic, but I want them.

http://lovelylittlehenley.blogspot.com/

Okay.  I think I've wasted enough time now and should study for my Environment test... or look up stuff for my focus story.  Or make a powerpoint presentation.  Or...I'm going to stop listing.  It's making me depressed.

Rachel

This guy...

...is amazing.

In case you missed it, read this.

Giving up on National Office was one of the hardest decisions I've ever had to make.  And I know I did the right thing, so I try not to be too sad about it.  But sometimes I remember, and that sucks.

Like when I get a package that was mailed a while ago, with a "Rayne Trained" t-shirt and a card wishing me luck at Nationals.

Or when someone says something about "My Plate" and my stomach drops and I think, "I have to look that up!" only to realize that I don't.

Or when someone announces at an Collegiate FFA meeting that I'm running for National Office, and I have to correct them in front of everyone.

Or when I find a giant stack on National Officer Candidate business cards in my purse.  When that one happened, I threw a few at Micah, saying, "I have no use for these anymore."

And you know what he did?  I do, cuz he told me the other day when I was having a hard time dealing with everything changing so fast.  He took my business card and put it in his wallet.  It was to remind him of the huge sacrifice that I made to be with him.

See why I think he's the greatest?  Seriously.

Ah, gee...

Question: "Shouldn't you be updating that other NOC blog that you said you would update but haven't touched all summer long?"

Answer: "I'm ticked off right now and I don't feel like it.  Shut your bazoo."

I've been working on sewing a dress all summer.  I sewed this exact dress (with a few minor changes) TWICE at Christmas time, so you'd think it really wouldn't be that hard, but for some reason I just cannot seem to figure it out and it's getting really annoying.  First it took me three tries to get the zipper in, then I sewed the interfacing on totally wack and it looks awful- I don't even know how to fix the closure of it.  And tonight, when I was ironing the hem on the sleeve, thinking optimistically that maybe I could finish it and wear it to church tomorrow, I completely incinerated it.  I'm sure I had enough leftover fabric for another tiny little sleeve, but I don't know where I put it, which probably means I threw it away.  So I'm stuck.  And I'm annoyed, because my little project for tonight is at a standstill.  Much like my life.

It's time to get back to Logan, I can feel it.  The fact that I still have to miss two more improv shows is killing me.  I need to get back, move in, get back on track, do school work.  Don't get me wrong, in two weeks I'll be whining that I don't want to leave but right now I'm anxious.

Some people want to know what drama is in my life, and to them my answer is, disappointingly, none.  Seriously, nothing's going anywhere, I'm just here, and that kinda sucks.  Other people apparently don't care to know, which kind of hurts.

I wish I could move on, but MAN!  I'm so annoyed that I burned that sleeve!

What a day...

Greetings, people who don't read this blog.  I just finished listening to a 60-minute podcast that analyzed the Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 trailer, frame by frame.  That's makes me officially ridiculous.  At least I didn't produce the podcast.

Man, what an adventure today trying to find a khaki skirt for the ag ambassadors uniform!  It is ridiculous, it was like finding the perfect official dress all over again.  Maurices, Dillard's, JC Penny's, Head Over Heals, Ross, and  Dress Barn do not have anything acceptable. :(  Tomorrow I'll try DI (again) and TJ Maxx, then I'm quitting.  I bought a khaki skirt with stripes at Maurice's, even though I hate the way it looks when I sit down, at least I'll have something.  Also, I couldn't find any acceptable formal dresses for the Semester at Sea reception.  Ugh.

Now- to study.  I made crepes this morning.  They were delightful.

Today's Dinner...

...consisted of a Crunchwrap Supreme and a bunch of frozen raspberries.

Yeah, who said twenty-year-olds were responsible enough to feed themselves?

I am now updating this blog.

This blog is WAY out of date.  Actually, it's been out of date for many weeks, but that hasn't forced me to update it.  Now that I have a bunch of stuff to do and no motivation to do it- I blog.

I am discovering that the sworn enemy of productivity and self-control is disappointment, at least for me.  Yeah, it looks like I won't be spending my summer in Washington D.C. dressed as an eighteenth century revolutionist, working at a gristmill and/or making beer at a distillery.  I also will not be attending a Single's Ward in Virginia or taking improv classes at the WIT.

Instead I will be at home, doing other wonderful things, but not being able to avoid seeing particular people.  I am bummed, but I will get over it- I've learned that from life.  And I'm still looking into a few other options for fun things to do this summer.  At the very least, I can can always go visit my sister in Hawaii.

Despite how the first part of this blog post may sound, my life really has been pretty awesome recently- not because of different events in it, but because I'm trying really hard to improve my attitude and trust in the Lord, and it's working.  I know that being home will be for the best, even if I don't understand why right now.  I guess God will keep teaching me this lesson over and over again until I learn it, so here we go.

In other news, I was in a short film a friend made for the Fringe Film Festival.  You can see it (and vote for it until April 14!) at www.arts.usu/fringe.  It's called "Silly Love Games." Yeah, I play the hottest girl in the world. :)

Have a great Monday,
Rachel

:)

What I've Been Up To

Sometimes...I write new posts just to move the old posts further down my wall because I'm sick of them.  That's the case now- that last post was depressing.  Also- I should be cleaning and doing laundry and drying out my tent...but I'm lazy.

So what have I been up to?  Well, yesterday I went to Calvin's house and finished both of the Beck covers I had left for the record club.  I'm really happy with the way they turned out.  I had so much fun doing them, I'm grateful that Calvin could help me out though, because I really don't know how to do all the cool things he does, I just bring a general idea.

Here's "Missing:"  http://soundcloud.com/armorierecordclub/missing  I used a whole tone scale, so it sounds kind of like a dream sequence, at least that was the idea.

Here's "Chain Reaction." http://soundcloud.com/armorierecordclub/chain-reaction  Calvin calls this "white girl hip hop."  I call it kinda funny.  So if you ever wanted to hear me rap, here it is.  And there's some mad kazoo skills going on as well.  And Calvin tried unsuccessfully to tackle me at the end.

This past weekend was a busy one for me, I went to Cedar City with Hanna, Sara, and Becky for Matti Cox's wedding.  That was really nice, we got to wait outside the temple in the gorgeous sunny weather and then go hiking for an hour (in our dresses, haha), go to the luncheon, get pedicures just for fun and then go to the reception.  Best of luck to the Wilcocks!

Saturday after the reception I drove to Red Cliffs and met up with some Danie, Greg, Sarah, John Terry, Jon Jones, Ryan, and two of John Terry's friends, Kaitlyn and Shenice.  I was shocked at how dark it was when arrived- camping in the dark  is totally foreign to me!  On Sunday we went hiking around, then had "faux church" then did some serious hiking/scrambling and even a little bouldering (I was pretty proud of my hardcoreness at that point).  We got plenty tired and sore and spent the rest of the day playing games and making and eating dinner and telling stories and just generally having a great time.

We had planned to make breakfast on Monday, pack up, maybe hike around a bit more, eat lunch and then head back to Logan, but when we woke up it was pouring, so we skipped ahead to the packing and leaving.  That was pretty miserable, there was red mud and sand and everything was wet and just sucked.  But what sucked worse was the drive to Cedar City where we decided to have breakfast- it was raining so hard I was scared of hydroplaning for the first half- then it started snowing and I was sliding all over the road.  I hate driving during good weather, so I really hated this.  Luckily Greg and Danie did too, so our cars decided to wait out the storm in Cedar City.  We stayed at the Days Inn where we could take delightful hot showers and then put our dirty campfire-reeking clothes back on.  It had a pool so we went swimming and talked and played games- not a bad way to spend a Monday.

Tuesday we came back to Logan- what a long drive.  Good thing I had Sarah in my car to control the music and keep me company.  For the last few hours we listened to a musical called "The Last Five Years."  It was so good, look it up if you can.  In fact, I just bought the music.  I couldn't contain myself.  And while it was so good, it made me feel...so strange.  It was extremely moving.  I can't get over it.

Enough of that.  After I got home I showered and was on a date in a little over an hour.  Unbelievable, I know.  And it was a second date, with the same guy!  A guy that I really like!  (What if he read this, would that be weird?  Oh well, I just decided I didn't care.)  Anyway, we made dinner and I made the cake...at least I tried.  It should be easy to make a cake from a cake mix, right?  Unless you mix up the water and the oil, like I did.  One and a fourth cup of oil is a heck of a lot more than a third cup.  Colin laughed a lot at me and I  felt really stupid.  The end of that story.

My life is pretty funny.  At least, it's funny if I look at it from the outside.  It's not quite as funny to be inside, but I'm good at laughing at myself, so I'm entertained.

Starting tonight, I get to help out the nominating committee at the Utah State FFA Convention.  I'm so excited about that...because I know what it means to become a state officer.  Six people's lives will change for a year after this week, and I get to be a small part of that.

This is long.  I'll update more later I guess.

A Letter To Life- a study in procrastination of sleep

Dear Life,
Right now, you are not going as I had planned.

Don't get me wrong, life- don't be offended.  I love you.  I have a great you, it's just not the you I thought I'd end up with.  I like to plan, a lot....I guess I'm obsessed with planning, and you like to be more spontaneous.  It makes it difficult to get along with you, because you refuse to follow the plan.

A friend of mine is fond of telling me: "You don't have to understand."  That, I have to admit, is true.  I don't have to understand everything that is going on right now and why.  I would sure like to, but I guess that's wishful thinking.  Not being able to understand is really hard for me though, so I have to work on it everyday.

The same friend tells me I have no faith.  This bothers me a little.  I don't think it's an entirely accurate statement, but it bothers me because I also think that it is, slightly, accurate.  I wish I had more faith.  I know I need more faith...I'm just not sure how to go about getting it.  And if you were wondering, "You have no faith" isn't a good joke. :)

Life, I like to think of it this way: My Institute teacher said that sometimes, when we feel like we're doing really well and being righteous and doing everything we should be doing, we think that God shouldn't give us challenges.  Like we should get a free ride for awhile, and everything should be easy because we're being so good.  But that's not how it works, at all, as you know.  On the contrary, when we are doing well, according to my Institute teacher, we are showing God that we need a challenge to help us climb the next step to be better than we are.  So, if you think of it that way, every time you meet a trial it's because of, not in spite of, your righteousness.

I'm trying to be more grateful for hard things in you.  Now when something "bad" happens, I'm going to stop thinking of it as a horrible punishment and tragedy and start seeing it as God giving me an opportunity to grow.  Bring it on, God.

Dealing with departures from my plan are helping me grow.  For a long time, I've been baffled...I guess I kind of still am, that my plans for my life weren't the same as God's plans for my life.  I've always thought they were- seriously, I had some awesome plans and I still don't understand (there's that need to understand thing again) why I didn't get my way.  Also, I don't understand where to go from here.  I've been trying to employ obedience and do whatever God prompts me to do...but I also get the impression that God wants me to make my own choices.  Talk about a rock and a hard place.

Oh life, you just keep going on while I am writing this deeper-than-I-meant-it-to-be entry.  In a very short time I'll have to wake up and go to class again, so until next time, thanks for the chat.
Sincerely,
Me

Armorie Record Club

Calvin finally successfully talked me into doing his Armorie Record Club with him, so this is my first song.  It's "Girl," by Beck, and I'm really excited about it!  Credit where credit is due:  Calvin helped out with this A LOT.  My ideas, his musical genius.  Enjoy!
http://soundcloud.com/armorierecordclub/girlsong

Pictures of Poor Quality

I got my hair done.  For those of you who can't see it in person, here is a general idea.  Sorry these pictures aren't fantastic.

Check it off the list...

There comes a time in...many women's lives, when they are asked if they are pregnant, when they are nothing of the kind.  And that happened to me tonight.

Technically, the question was more of the 'are you pregnant and/or married?' variety, and because it was asked by a girl in my special needs institute class, I couldn't be too offended.  I loved my buddy Liz's response:

"NO, she is not married or pregnant, she hasn't even gone on a mission yet!"

True dat, Liz.  I have a life to live.
Rachel