Dear Life,
Right now, you are not going as I had planned.
Don't get me wrong, life- don't be offended. I love you. I have a great you, it's just not the you I thought I'd end up with. I like to plan, a lot....I guess I'm obsessed with planning, and you like to be more spontaneous. It makes it difficult to get along with you, because you refuse to follow the plan.
A friend of mine is fond of telling me: "You don't have to understand." That, I have to admit, is true. I don't have to understand everything that is going on right now and why. I would sure like to, but I guess that's wishful thinking. Not being able to understand is really hard for me though, so I have to work on it everyday.
The same friend tells me I have no faith. This bothers me a little. I don't think it's an entirely accurate statement, but it bothers me because I also think that it is, slightly, accurate. I wish I had more faith. I know I need more faith...I'm just not sure how to go about getting it. And if you were wondering, "You have no faith" isn't a good joke. :)
Life, I like to think of it this way: My Institute teacher said that sometimes, when we feel like we're doing really well and being righteous and doing everything we should be doing, we think that God shouldn't give us challenges. Like we should get a free ride for awhile, and everything should be easy because we're being so good. But that's not how it works, at all, as you know. On the contrary, when we are doing well, according to my Institute teacher, we are showing God that we need a challenge to help us climb the next step to be better than we are. So, if you think of it that way, every time you meet a trial it's because of, not in spite of, your righteousness.
I'm trying to be more grateful for hard things in you. Now when something "bad" happens, I'm going to stop thinking of it as a horrible punishment and tragedy and start seeing it as God giving me an opportunity to grow. Bring it on, God.
Dealing with departures from my plan are helping me grow. For a long time, I've been baffled...I guess I kind of still am, that my plans for my life weren't the same as God's plans for my life. I've always thought they were- seriously, I had some awesome plans and I still don't understand (there's that need to understand thing again) why I didn't get my way. Also, I don't understand where to go from here. I've been trying to employ obedience and do whatever God prompts me to do...but I also get the impression that God wants me to make my own choices. Talk about a rock and a hard place.
Oh life, you just keep going on while I am writing this deeper-than-I-meant-it-to-be entry. In a very short time I'll have to wake up and go to class again, so until next time, thanks for the chat.
Sincerely,
Me
